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10 Ways to Practices Self Reflection

10 Ways to Practices Self Reflection

by | Feb 27, 2023 | Personal Development

Self-reflection is an amazing tool for creating the best version of yourself.

It can also be confronting exercise to undertake.

Let’s be honest it’s challenging to go deep within and look with yourselves.

It to easier to distract yourselves and fill your days with, a long to-do list in an effort to avoid reflecting on yourself

Your attention is pulled in so many different directions by the outside world that self-reflection is not often at the top of your to-do list.

The reality is unless you make space and time to self-reflect it is not going to happen.

It feels easier and more comfortable to turn your attention outwards instead of inwards. Go within and looking deeply at yourselves is something most of us avoid.

The mind often distracts you and tries to create more things to do.

Are you ready to go on your own journey of self-reflection?

Self-reflecting is not necessarily an easy journey to face. However, I will promise you this. It is one of the most valuable journeys; you will undertake for your personal growth.

“The Journey into self-love as self-acceptance must begin with self-examination… until you take the journey of self-reflection it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life” (Iyanla Vanzant)

 

Self-reflection is the process of taking the time to go within and analyse your inner self on a deeper level.

Through these analyses, you are able to gain insight into who you are, what you value, and your thoughts, actions, desires and motivation.

Within the self-reflective process, you come to understand your true self. By looking inward, you take off the mask you wear for the outside world.  It allows you to connect with yourself and grow from this self-reflection experience.

Self-reflection is a powerful process and it will have a positive effect on your life.

Ten Practices for Self-Reflection

1. Journaling for self-reflection

Journaling is a beautiful way to deep self-reflection. It can be as simple as writing a daily self-reflection sentence about anything you want to reflect on. If you feel you want to go a little deeper. Then write a long journal entry about something good or bad that you experienced. Explore and reflect on the event, your thoughts feelings or emotions that are coming up for you. Try not to censor what you write, allow the words to flow. Then read over your journal entry. Reflect upon what you have written, you will be amazed by the insight you get from your writing.

There is no wrong or right way to journal. do what feels right for you and will help you to reflect inwards.

2. Question Yourself

Asking yourself the tough questions is a vital part of the self-reflective These questions can feel uncomfortable however, by asking these questions and answering honestly, you are able to hold a reflective mirror up to your lives and yourself.

Reflective questions:

Who do I want to be?

What do I stand for?

How I’m behaving?

What are my values?

What are my desires?

Is my life heading in the direction I want?

What motivates me?

What makes me happy?

These are big questions, but they allow you to go deep and truly reflect on who you are and what drives your behaviour.

3. Allow time for Stillness

Do you make time in your day for stillness?

As it only from being still and silent.  You are able to go within and deeply connect with yourselves and reflect. With stillness, you get to know the real you. These not hiding or distracting yourself. You take a deep inward journey and slowly peel away the lays. There is nowhere to hide in stillness. You are complete with yourself. Disconnected from the external world that disconnects your true self.

Reflect:

How can you create time for stillness in your day? It can be as simple as a 5-minute mindfulness practice e being still and present in the moment.

Or a beautiful meditation practice. That brings you into stillness.

(check out the resources below for free meditations)

Creating time to be still it allows the space to do the deep reflective work you need to connect, grow and learn more about yourself.

4. Get in touch with your feelings

Reflect on your feelings and get in touch with how you feel. This is deep work. For many of us, it is easier to push our feeling aside or tell ourselves that what we are feeling is not valid. Do not dismiss how you feel. You have the right to feel the way you feel and not to push your feelings aside.

By reflecting on feelings and understanding them. It gives insight into your emotional and mental well-being.

Try this practice:

Take a breath

Pause

Reflect:

Go within and ask how do I feel.

Why am I having these feelings?

How are these feelings affecting me?

If you need support with exploring your feeling, more. Enlist the help of a professional counsellor or coach. (work with me)

5. Reflect on the story

Reflect on the story you are telling yourself. The inner critic can be lode and mean.

By reflecting on the story and the words, you say to yourselves. It helps to develop inner awareness. Generally, the default story we tell ourselves is the I’m not good enough story.

Reflect:

Listen to what it is you say to yourself. Do you need to release the old story or harsh words you speak to yourself?

Stepping back and observing the story gives you the power to defuse the thought pattern. Develop a regular reflective practice of the stories and words you use. It will empower you to recognise when the story is no longer serving you and to replace it with a new and improved story.

 6. Care of Self

One of the best ways to care for yourself is to reflect on what your needs are and how you care for yourself

Reflect:

How do I currently care for myself?

Do I spend more time caring for others than I do for myself?

 

What do I need to feel cared for?

What do I need to feel my best?

Then from the answer to these questions create a care plan for yourself. A great way to put in place, your plan is to pick a time and day that you are committed to implementing care for yourself. I like to have time on Sundays. I call it my self-care Sunday!

 

     

    7. Self-compassion and kindness.

    Did you know that being kind to yourself has a great positive effect on your life? Think about it the way you treat yourself influences every aspect of your well-being. We are with ourselves 24/7 and we can say some unkind things to yourselves. Would you say to a friend the thing you say to yourself? The words we say to yourselves have meaning.
    Reflect: Do I treat myself with kindness and compassion?

    Do I need to be kinder to myself?

    Try this: saying something that creates a sense of kindness.

    Phrases such as “I am kind to myself” and “I am gentle with myself “. I treat myself with kindness.

    Place your hand on your heart and say I hold myself with kindness and compassion. Experiment and reflect on what feels good and brings up a feeling of self-compassion.

    8. Personal Growth

    Do you ever stop and look at how much you have grown? The lessons you have learned along your journey. By self-reflecting on your personal growth, it gives you a picture of where have you been and where are you going.

    I am sure along the way there have been mistakes and challenges. However, think about all that you have gained from these experiences.

    Reflect on: How much growth you have achieved

    Reflect on the personal growth that has taken place over the last 5 years. What have you done? what have you achieved?

    An important thing to look at is what you have learned from challenges or mistakes you have made.

    Growth can only come about when you reflect on where you once were to where you are today.

    9. Permission to Dream 

    Do you give yourself permission to dream?

    Dreams are important. They give your life purpose, direction, goals and meaning for your life.

    Reflect upon the dream you are holding. What life do you want to create in the future.? Having a dream to look forward to gives you a sense of hope, control and choice about your future.

    Don’t give up on your dreams. By giving up on your dream, you are giving up on yourself. Give your self-permission to dream and pursue the life you desire.

    Reflect:

    Do you have a dream? Do you think you are worthy of your dream?

    Are you ready to give yourself self-permission to pursue your dream?

    10. Mind-Body Connection 

    The connection between mind, body, emotions and spirit has been proven scientifically.

    We are more than our thoughts. There is an undeniable connection between mind, body, emotion, and spirit.  This connection makes us who we are.

    Reflect:

    How do I care and connect with:

    My mind?

    My Body?

    My emotions?

    My spirituality?

    Reflecting on the relationships, we have with the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual self. Allows us to nourish and connect with ourselves fully.

    You may want to choose one self-reflection practice and try each day over the next 10 days.

    The journey of self-reflection has so many benefits for our personal growth. Taking time for self-reflection can be difficult and challenging. It is confronting to step back and reflect on yourself. Yet, there are so many benefits of self-reflection. It allows you to connect with yourself, gain perspective, learn and grow.

    Embark on your self-reflective journey a create the best version of yourself.

     

    Quote Reflection is one of the most underused yet powerful tools to your success.

    Free Resources:

    Free Meditations Click here

    How to teach yourself to feel good enough Read More 

     

    What is self-reflection and why is it important Click here  

     

    How To Teach Yourself To Feel Good Enough

    How To Teach Yourself To Feel Good Enough

    by | Jan 13, 2023 | Mental Health

    Let’s begin with a question that may feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s an important question to reflect on.

    What is the story you tell yourself over and over again?

    This can be a comforting question. If you really stop for a moment and listen and think about what you are saying to yourself.

    That voice in your mind what it’s telling you.

    The words you say to yourself have power. The reality is you are with yourselves 24/7, there is no hiding from what you say to yourself.

    The stories that are on repeat in your mind shape your life and the way you view yourself.

    Did you come up with an answer? What story do you tell yourself?

    My guess is this story has a theme to it. Did you know that there is a common theme to most stories we tell ourselves?

    Want to know what the story is?

    The I’m not good enough story.

    Does that sound familiar?

    The words that you are saying to yourself often have a theme of not being good enough.

    Did you know that this is the most common story most humans struggle with?

    They believe they are not good enough. We look for confirmation in the outside world about how we are not good enough. We tell ourselves this story over and over again.

    Now I could sit here and tell you something like: Believe in yourself and turn those words around to something positive and repeat to yourself that you are good enough. And you are good enough. But we all have something called our internal voice in our mind and our mind can be a tricky thing. The mind likes to protect us and thinks that it’s helpful. But sometimes the mind is unhelpful and can be downright mean.

     

    Saying  postive affiramtion that you don’t belive to  turn that negative self-talk around may  be helpful in the short term. But after a while, you start to fight against your mind and then you spiral back down to the same habit of repeating the… I’m not good enough story.

    Let me give you some practical advice for the ‘I’m not good enough struggles.

    Struggle 1: Question Your Efforts

    We all have those times when we struggle with questioning ourselves

    I’m I doing enough?

    I’m I good enough?

    Is what I’m doing enough?

    Is this good enough?

    The list goes on…

    Even as I write this blog post my mind is asking if this is really good enough. It is looking to pick apart all the way it is not enough.

    Your mind can be critical at times and you are so hard on yourselves.

    The I’m not good enough story can be loud and disheartening.

    Here is a practice to help when you find yourself criticizing your efforts.

     

    1. Think about some of the criticisms your mind tells you

     

    1. Pick one of the criticisms that you say to yourself a lot. (The one you have on repeat.)

     

    1. Now be present. Become aware of how it makes you feel when your mind gets caught up in criticizing you.

     

    1. Open up to the feelings and notice them. You may want to try some deep breathing.

     

    1. Then turn your focus on doing something that will make your life more meaningful. What is something that will add value to your life, that you can do right now and give your attention to?

    I know it can painful but by opening up and being present to the feeling but once you become aware of the feeling showing up, you can start turning your focus on more meaningful things. Rather than getting caught up in the “I’m not good enough story”.

     

    Struggle 2: Feeling You’re Not Doing Enough

    Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed with always trying to fit more on your to-do list?

    The more you try to do the more you question- “I’m I doing enough”?

    Maybe you thought you’d be further ahead in life than you are right now, or maybe you have a list in the back of your mind of things you “should” be doing.

    No matter what you do, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

    Let’s explore that feeling of not doing enough.

    Many of us judge ourselves for never doing enough. We ridicule our efforts as not being good enough. We have a long list of all the things we should be doing. Thinking if I just complete my do-to list, I will finally feel I’m good enough.

    I know this feeling because I use to let myself get stuck in the mindset of “I have to do more to be enough”. Maybe you can relate.

     

    Are you always think you have to do more to be enough?

    Maybe seeing other people’s successes might trigger this feeling of inadequacy.

    Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself and think that nothing you do is ever good enough?

    Let’s turn this thinking around. Because the truth is no matter how hard you push yourself and create an endless to-do list. It not going to make you feel enough. Instead of trying to do it all, try celebrate yourself and the effort you are putting in to the things you are doing. 

    Here is a  practice help if you find yourself trying to do more and more to be enough.

    Answer these questions:

    What have I achieved that I never thought possible?

    How have I progressed and grown in the last year?

    How can I celebrate my effects?

    Take time to celebrate your progress, achievements and growth. Turn that self-judgement into a celebration of doing and being enough in this moment. Often we never stop to celebrate our effects and how far we have come. Our mind is ready to jump to the next thing. Again never feel fulfilled with the success we already achieved. So instead of adding more to your to-do list celebrate all that you are right now.

    Now that you celebrate yourself even if it was just a little bit. What if the next thing I asked you was- Do you know you are enough as you are?

    Now stop for a moment before you read on. When you read the above statement what is your first thought? Just observe your thoughts for a moment.

    Was your first thought, yes I’m enough.

    Or did you start to question I am, I enough as I am? Or did you say no I’m not enough

    The truth is you are enough exactly as you are. Our first response is often to think about all the ways we think we are not enough.

    Let me tell you right at this moment you are all that you are meant to be.

    And being enough is not about being perfect or reaching some ideal Enough is being all that you are right now.

    The mess parts of you

    The broken parts of you

    The imperfect parts of you

    The changing and growing parts of you

    The beautiful parts

    The unique parts of you

    Despite all this, You’re already enough.

    Struggle 3 Recognising you are enough as you are

    Who gets to decide what being enough is?

    Have you stopped to think about, What is enough anyway? Are you measuring your enoughness with an unrealistic image of perfection?

    I will let you in on a little secret – You get to decide what enough is!!!

    Nobody else gets to decide what enough means to you. You can only decide for yourself.

    It can be a constant internal battle to feel enough. With judge yourselves in so many ways as not being enough.

    That voice in your head tells you: I’m not pretty, I’m not skinny, I’m smart, I’m not confident enough. The list goes on and on…..

    But the reality is you hold all the power you get to decide what being enough is for yourself. No one outside of you can decide that for you. You are the only one that can decide what enough looks and feels like for you. You have a choice you can continue to strive for some unrealistic image of being good enough. Or you can get crystal clear in your own mind about what your version of being enough is.

     

    Journal Practice for defining being enough

    In your journal answer these questions to get clear about what enough means to you.

    What does being enough feel like?

    What does being enough look like?

    Define what being enough means to you?

    Being enough is a working progress. Your mind will look for ways to tell you are not enough. Unfortunately, this is what the mind does. But you know have something very powerful and that’s awareness. The first step to change is being aware of the thoughts and feelings that are coming up for you. Be aware of what enough means to you. Shut off the loud voice of the outside world.

    “You are enough exactly as you are”

    Celebrate yourself instead of judging yourself. Because we all have those messy broken and imperfect parts to us. And you know what that’s ok because you’re working a progress and every day you growing learning and doing the best you can. And that is enough.

    Resources

    Recommended  book: Cassie Mendoza- Jones “You Are Enough”  Click Here

    Free Meditation You Are Enough Guided Meditation Click Here

    Learn more about how Hypnotherapy can support you with your self-esteem Click here 

     

    How to set goals and achieve them.

    How to set goals and achieve them.

    by | Dec 30, 2022 | Personal Development

    Welcome to 2023. A year filled with so many new possibilities. 

    Let’s talk about goal setting.  

    I want to share with you my best tips for setting goals and achieving them.

    How many times have you started a new year full of enthusiasm and motivation about achieving your new goals?

    You make a plan and feel so excited about achieving that long-awaited goal. You feel motivated and ready for success. You promise yourself this time you’re going to stick with your plan and achieve that goal.

    Then slowly over time, you start to lose your momentum and you find yourself struggling to stay on track.

     All too often, that initial burst of motivation disappears and you find you’re self-feeling stuck and disappointed in yourself.

    Not this year!

    This year going to be different. 

    Do you know why? 

    I’m going to share with you how to set a goal and keep yourself on track to achieving it.

    Set yourself up for success.

    Start with picking one goal (yes that’s right only one.) Do you know why? It’s easier to focus on one thing at a time. If you have too many goals then you already setting yourself up for failure. I like to say: “keep it simple one step at a time”. 

    Your goal needs to be specific: Fuzzy goals are more difficult to achieve than specific ones.

     When setting a goal, be as specific as possible. For example, instead of setting a goal to “lose weight,” set a goal to lose 10kg by May 2023. 

    Write your goal down somewhere you can see it every day. This will help you to remember it and keep your mind focused on the goal.

    Set a timeline for your goal.

    Giving yourself an exact time of when you what to achieve this goal by. This will help you stay on track and progress towards your goal. 

    Get organised and make a plan of action. You want to break your goals down into small steps. This will help you to feel you achieving mini goals and moving towards your achieving your big goal.

    An example:

    Big Goal: To lose 10kg by May 2023. 

    Mini goal: I will go for a walk for 30 minutes each day this week.  

    How to set an achievable Goal

    Now let’s make that goal of yours SMART

    What are SMART goals?

    S.M.A.R.T. is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. SMART goals are specific goals that are achievable, realistic, and have a set timeframe for completion.

    Specific – The goal should be clear and specific, this helps to keep you focused on your specific outcome. The more specific the goal, the better.

    Measurable – The goal should be something that you can track and measure your progress. This way, you’ll know how your progress towards achieving your goal.

    Achievable – The goal should be achievable. If the goal is too ambitious, you’re likely to get discouraged and give up.

    Realistic – The goal should be realistic and something that you can achieve. If the goal is unrealistic, you’ll have a difficult time achieving it.

    Timely – The goal should have a set timeframe for completion.

    For example, let’s say you want to lose weight. 

    A SMART goal would be to lose 10kg by May 2023. This goal is specific (lose 10 kg), and it’s measurable (you can track your progress by weighing yourself on the scales). It is an achievable goal (it’s possible to lose 10kg in five months. It’s realistic (It’s possible to lose one to two kg per week), and has a set timeframe (May 2023 ).

    It’s your tune now. Look at your goal and now turn it into a SMART goal. Ask yourself the following questions.

    Is my goal specific?

    Is my goal measurable, can I track my progress?

    Is my goal realistic for me?

    Is my goal something I can achieve?

    What is my time frame for achieving my goal?

    How to stay motivated when you don’t feel motivated.

    Motivation is a funny thing it comes and goes. The fact is when you’ve set a new goal your motivation is at its peak, and then it is very normal for motivation to slowly decline. The fact is, you’re not always going to feel motivated. 

    And that’s ok!

    Motivation is not the key to achieving your goal. Do you know what is? Taking action even when you do don feel like it. 

    When you find yourself low in motivation then use this as inspiration to keep going even ….if you don’t feel like it!!

    Here are a few ways to keep yourself self-moving forward even if you’re not feeling motivated. 

    Know your WHY- It’s important to remember why you set the goal in the first place. What was it that inspired you to want to achieve this goal?  

    Write your reason why and put it somewhere you can see it. This will be your inspiration and a reminder of why you want to achieve this goal. 

    Stay focused on breaking your goal down into mini-goals (Smaller more manageable steps) Rather than thinking about the big goal that can seem out of reach and so far away Focus on taking one small step at a time. This will make your goal seem less daunting and more achievable.

     

    Celebrate your wins.

    How often do you celebrate your small wins? When making progress towards your goals don’t forget to celebrate that small step you have taken towards your goal.

      

    . 

    Goals setting is an amazing tool if it is done right. Use the guide to set yourself up for success in 2023. The new year is an exciting time for setting your goal. It feels like a blank canvas and anything is possible. Set your goal, do the work to plan out your steps and track your progress. 

    Remind yourself that motivation is not key to achieving your goal in 2023, all you need to do is to keep moving forward towards your goal, even on the days, you don’t feel like it. Keep reminding yourself why this goal is important to you and what it will be like when you are successful in achieving your goal. 

    Resources

    Free Hypnotherapy to manifest your goals. Listen here

    Learn more about SMART goals Here

    Guide to pursuing your passion Read More

    How To Overcome Self Doubt

    How To Overcome Self Doubt

    by | Dec 13, 2022 | Mental Health, Well-Being

    Is Your Self Doubt Holding You Back? 

    Self-doubt is a persistent little bugger. The voice in your head that likes to show up at the most inconvenient time. You start to contemplate a change or do something new. Then the voice of self-double decides to make an appearance. You are creating an internal conflict. You feel uncertain and question yourself. You allow that voice of self-doubt to hold you back and keep you stuck in what is familiar and safe.

    Can you relate?

    That persuasive voice of self-doubt talks you out of going for your dreams or, making a change. Self-doubt love to come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn’t try something different.

     

    You start to :

    • Comparing yourselves to others,
    • Worry about what others will think if you try something new.
    • You question if you are doing the right thing by trying something new.
    • You ask yourself, am I good enough to even try?

    The list of negativity goes on and on….

     

     

    Self-doubt makes you feel stuck and debilitates you from making a change.

    The battle between you and self-doubt is real.

    Most of us have experienced self-doubt when wanting to move to something new. Often, we allow the voice of self-doubt to hold us back. It takes over our thoughts and stops us in our tracks from making change.

    Once that voice of self-doubt takes hold. It’s not uncommon to take a step back, stand still and prevent yourself from moving forward. You retreat into your comfort zone. Where self-doubt finally starts to silence the negativity in your mind. You allowed self-doubt to win and you remain stuck in your old ways.

    Overcoming self-doubt is confronting and uncomfortable. The butterfly in the stomach and fear takes hold. It feels easier and safer to stay with what is familiar and comfortable. But if you stay with what is comfortable you become stuck and dormant. You don’t grow to your full potential. Facing self-doubt allows you to be open to new experiences, pursue your dreams and live life to the fullest.

    You make the decision that you are ready to move forward and embrace something new. The time has come to step up and overcome your self-doubt.

    Get to know your self-doubt on a deeper level.

    I know this may be thinking what! I want to get rid of my self-doubt not get to know it.

    But, getting to know self-doubt will support you in overcoming your self-doubt.

    The first step of getting to know yourself doubt is to listen to the words of self-doubt.

    Start paying attention to the words that you say to yourselves. It can be easy to let the voice of self-doubt start planting the seeds of all the reasons why we can’t start something new. Then before you know self-doubt had done its job and stop you from moving forward. You retreat and don’t take the steps toward what we wanted. You need to start listening to what that voice is saying. What does your self-doubt say to you? Listen and note the words you say to yourself.

    To overcome self-doubt, you need to be aware of how self-doubt is holding us back. Ask yourself how you hold yourself back because of your self-doubt

    Is your self-doubt stopping you from trying something new?

    Once you become more aware of what the voice of self-doubt is saying. You can see how your self-doubt is holding you back from all the new possibilities that are waiting for you.

     

    Connect with the feeling

    The next step is to connect with the feel.

    Now that you are more aware, you can start exploring how it would feel to try something new. To know if something new is right we can use our body as a guide. When you think about the new experience, does it feel expansive or restrictive in the body? Became aware of your body and the feeling you get when you think about the new. If you feel expansive, your body is telling you it’s right for you.

    Are you ready to start embracing something new?

    Then this is how you can prevent your self-doubt from taking over. Focuses your mind on how this new experience will improve your life. Feel in your body. How will it feel to bring this experience into your life? Focusing on the improvement, the new will bring into your life. Seeing it feeling it helps quieten and calm the voice of self-doubt. Once you start to quieten self-doubt. You start building momentum towards making room for something new

    Now we have a clear indication of the new experience, you want, and why you want it. You have quietened the voice of self-double by reassuring it. You are now feeling more open to new possibilities, and ready to embrace them.

    Get clear about your why

    What do you want and why do you want it?

    You need to be clear about what new experience you want and why. Do you want a new job, start a new business, relationship, new hobby, or travel somewhere new? It’s important to be clear about what you want and why. Once you are clear about what new experience you want and why. You now have a powerful tool for overcoming that voice of self-doubt. Inspiration is not enough to keep you going when self-doubt takes over and feel like giving up. You must have a way to motivate you to push past the obstacles that self-doubt will bring up. Strong knowledge of why you want this new experience. Will help you keep your mind focused even when you feel like you are caught in the negative cycle of self-doubt.

    Your why is the reason you will be determined to keep going because you are clear about what you what and why you want it.

     Write down you’re why statement and have it somewhere where you can see it and read it often. You know that voice of self-doubt decides to show up you have something more powerful you why.

    Embrace the new and your self-doubt

    It’s now time to start thinking about one step you can take towards the new experience you want. List down one step you can take to move towards something new you want to experience. Then take that step toward what you want.

    I have personally found one of the best ways to overcome self-double, is to start taking small action steps towards the new experience I want to create. By starting and taking action. I’m moving towards what I want.

    Once you start to take action steps towards what you want. The self-doubt slowly disappears.

    Then you look back and realise how far we have come. By taking that one step towards that new experience, you wanted.

    Start that thing you have been dreaming about, and don’t let your self-doubt hold you back. Allow yourself to be open to the possibilities of the new and let go of the old. Be ready to embrace all the new and exciting experiences that are coming your way.

    Self-doubt can only hold you back if you allow it to. Know what you want, and why you want it.  See it, feel and believe it is possible for you. Even if self-doubt shows up you can overcome it by taking one step at a time towards your dreams.

    Start taking those steps today.

     

     

     

    Resources:

    Free Meditation to help you your self-doubt Click here

    How to Make your needs a priority Read More 

    How To Make Your Needs a Priority

    How To Make Your Needs a Priority

    by | Nov 15, 2022 | Mental Health, Self Care, Well-Being

    Do you put others needs before your own needs?

    Why do you feel the need to put yourselves last? 

    Is it because you think it is selfish to put your needs first?

    Often as children, we are told to think of others. We were encouraged to allow others to go before us and to think about their needs. When I was a child, this was considered good manners. Now I’m not suggesting that showing others kindness and empathy to another person is a negative thing. I want to explore how we carry these patterns into our adult life and put the needs of others first.

    Why  don’t we  show ourselves the same kindness and empathy we are willing to show others? We make other people’s needs more important than our own needs.

    On the odd occasion, you try and put your needs first what is your reaction?

    Do you consider yourself selfish for even daring to think about yourself?

    We push our own needs aside thinking by putting others first will make us a good person.

    Does it actually make you feel good putting everyone else’s needs above your own?

    By putting yourself last you are actually not able to effectively care for others.

    On an aeroplane, the safety message says to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else.

    This same principle could be applied to life. If you don’t help yourself and put your needs first, then what happens?  It feels like life energy is being drained out of you. You use all your energy to think and care about others and you end up neglecting your own needs.

    Often you have pushed your own needs aside for so long it’s difficult to recognize what your needs are.

    I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t think about others or care for them, I’m saying that if caring for everyone else at the expense of always putting yourself last, then how effectively can you care for others?

     

     

    Have you heard the saying is you can’t pour from an empty cup?

    Essentially, the saying means that in order for you to effectively take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

    So how do you fill that cup?  Because the fact is, you are worthy of putting your need first.  In fact, it is essential that you recognize what your needs are and start putting yourself first. Now if you have been putting everyone else first this notion of putting yourself first is going to feel uncomfortable.  I’m sure your mind has started to come up with lots of excuses about you putting your needs first.

     Often the mind will say things like this:

    • You can’t do that
    • That selfish
    • What will others think
    • I have to take care of my children, mother, father, partner.

    And let’s face it! the list could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is if you’re not taking care of yourself and putting your needs first who will take care of your needs?

    Do you ever catch yourself feeling resentful about doing so much for everyone else and no one seems to notice or be thinking about your needs,

    We teach others how to treat us and if you have always put everyone else first and our own needs last then this is what other will expect from us.

    You are worthy of having your needs met. In fact, it is essential that you start taking care of yourself and your needs. Stop putting yourself last and start putting yourself first for a change.

    I bet your next question is well that sounds great but how do I do that.

    You do that by starting to fill your own bucket!

    What does it mean to fill your own bucket? It means doing those things for yourself that you enjoy. You know those things that fill you up, energize you and give you joy in your life. Ultimately filling your own bucket.

    Unfortunately, these are often the things we push aside and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we can’t do those things that fill us up. Leading to a leaking bucket feeling depleted and your bucket empty.

    We are great at doing all we can to fill other’s bucket. But what about your bucket? How do you fill your bucket and prioritize yourself?

    Filling your bucket is about doing those things that are important to you. The things that you have a passion for, make life fun and enjoyable. Your bucket is completely unique to you. We all have things that light us up.

    What’s in your bucket?

    It’s time for you to have some fun and create your buckets. As I mentioned your buckets are unique to you. Don’t look outwards to find the answer go within, give yourself some time to reflect on what is important to you.

    Your bucket can take on many forms. It could be health, personal development self-care time. The list goes on.

    There are no limitations to what your bucket is. It is about you getting clear about what is important to you in life.

    Your mission if you’re ready to accept it is to create your buckets. Start by creating a list of all the things that are important to you. Those things that give you energy, support you or give you a whole lot of joy. Have fun and allow yourself to create your buckets.

    Here is an example of what my buckets look like. These are the things that fill me up.

    •  Quality Time with my partner
    •  Connecting with my Spirituality
    •  Taking care of my mental health
    •  helping others
    • Learning new things
    • Travel

    Create what’s important to you!

    Now it’s time for you to create your own list of buckets of the things that are important to you.

    Once you have your list of buckets. How are you going to make sure you fill each of them?

    Create a plan and prioritise your buckets. These are the things that are important to you and create your fulfilling life.

    You have two choices here. You can continue as you are and function on empty, or you can fill your bucket and feel full. It’s up to you.

    We must take care of ourselves before we have the capacity to care for others.  Else we end up with an empty bucket and feeling unfilled.

    Create your list of buckets and start filling them up!

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    Remember it’s not selfish to care for yourself it’s a necessary