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Menopause: How to Embrace Change and Reconnect with Yourself

Menopause: How to Embrace Change and Reconnect with Yourself

by | Feb 9, 2025 | Mental Health, Self Care, Well-Being

Menopause is a transformative stage in a woman’s life. It marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, bringing changes that impact the mind, body, and soul.

 I personally started to notice changes in my mid-40s when perimenopause hit. I struggled with the changes in my body and felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. I wanted to share with you how I managed to reconnect with myself and navigate the changes Menopause brings to a women’s well-being.

While I understand the transition may feel overwhelming, it also presents an incredible opportunity to reconnect with yourself on a deeper level.

I want to dive deeper and explore with you  how menopause affects women, the feelings of uncertainty that arise, and actionable tips to help you navigate this phase with grace and self-compassion.

    The Mind-Body Connection During Menopause

    Menopause triggers hormonal shifts that can feel like it’s taking over every part of your being. Physically, you may experience symptoms like:

    • Hot flashes and night sweats disrupting sleep.
    • Weight fluctuations and changes in body composition.
    • Fatigue and reduced energy levels.

    The emotional and mental impacts can be just as profound. Many women report mood swings, heightened anxiety, or even depressive symptoms. Cognitive challenges like forgetfulness or difficulty concentrating are also common. These changes often lead to a sense of disconnection, as if your body and mind are no longer in sync.

    Understanding these shifts is vital. Your body is adapting to a new normal, and acknowledging this connection is the first step toward reclaiming your balance.

     

      

    Feelings of Loss and Identity Crisis

    For many women, menopause feels like losing a part of themselves. The end of reproductive years can bring grief, even if you don’t plan on having more children. You might feel like you’re saying goodbye to your youth, vitality, or the person you used to be.

    This stage often leads to a deep sense of questioning:

    • “Who am I now?”
    • “What is my purpose in this phase of life?”

    These feelings, though difficult, are normal. They’re part of a larger process of redefining yourself and embracing the woman you’re becoming.

    Shifting the Perspective: Rebirth, Not Loss

    Rather than seeing menopause as an ending, it helps to view it as a new beginning. This stage offers the chance to pause, reflect, and redefine what’s important to you. You’re not losing yourself—you’re evolving into a more authentic version of who you are.

    Why Reinvention Matters

    This period of change invites you to reconnect with your true self. You have the opportunity to rediscover what brings you joy, fulfilment, and peace. It’s a chance to focus on your growth, prioritize self-care, and create a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.

    Practical Tips to Navigate Menopause and Reconnect with Yourself

    1. Practice Self-Compassion

    Start by being kind to yourself. Menopause is a natural transition, not a sign of losing who you once where. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel vulnerable and uncertain. Replace self-criticism with understanding, and focus on the positive aspects of this stage.

    How to Incorporate Self-Compassion:

    • Speak to yourself as you would a close friend.
    • Write affirmations reminding you of your strength and resilience.
    • Allow yourself to rest without guilt.

    2. Engage in Mindfulness Practices

    Mindfulness helps you stay present and grounded, reducing anxiety and promoting clarity. Activities like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help you manage emotional fluctuations and reconnect with your inner self.

    Try This Simple Breathing Exercise:

    1. Sit comfortably in a quiet space.
    2. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose for four counts.
    3. Hold your breath for four counts, then exhale slowly for six counts.
    4. Repeat for five minutes to feel calmer and more centred.

     

    3. Explore Journaling for Self-Reflection

    Writing is a powerful tool for self-discovery. Journaling allows you to process emotions, clarify thoughts, and track your progress through this phase.

    Prompts to Get Started:

    • What are three things I’m grateful for today?
    • How do I feel about the changes I’m experiencing?
    • What dreams or goals have I yet to pursue?

    4. Prioritize Physical Well-Being

    Your body needs extra care during menopause. By nurturing your physical health, you can feel more energized and in control.

    Tips for Physical Health:

    • Nutrition: Include nutrient-rich foods like leafy greens, whole grains, and lean proteins. Avoid processed foods and excessive sugar.
    • Exercise: Regular movement boosts mood, strengthens bones, and helps maintain a healthy weight. Activities like walking, swimming, or Pilates are gentle yet effective.
    • Hydration: Drink plenty of water to combat dryness and support overall health.

    5. Reconnect with Your Passions

    What hobbies or activities have you always wanted to try? This is the perfect time to explore them. Reigniting old interests or discovering new ones can bring a sense of purpose and joy.

    Ideas to Inspire You:

    • Take an art or cooking class.
    • Learn a musical instrument.
    • Volunteer for a cause you care about.

    6. Cultivate Relationships

    Building meaningful connections can help you feel supported and understood. Reach out to friends or join groups where you can share experiences with women going through similar transitions.

    Ways to Foster Connection:

    • Host a monthly gathering with close friends.
    • Join a support group for women.
    • Schedule regular check-ins with loved ones.

    7. Seek Professional Support

    Sometimes, navigating menopause requires additional help. Don’t hesitate to consult with professionals who specialize in women’s health, therapy, or holistic practices.

    Helpful Resources:

    • Therapists: Counseling or hypnotherapy can provide emotional support.
    • Nutritionists: They can guide you toward a diet tailored to your needs.
    • Physiotherapists: If you’re dealing with physical discomfort, they can create a plan to alleviate symptoms.

     

    8. Create Rituals for Self-Care

    Rituals can anchor you during this transformative time, offering comfort and stability.

    Simple Ritual Ideas:

    • Start each morning with a calming tea and a gratitude practice.
    • Dedicate Sunday evenings to a relaxing bath or skincare routine.
    • Create a bedtime ritual to improve sleep quality, such as reading or meditating

      

     

    Rediscovering Yourself: The Power of Openness

    Navigating menopause with openness allows you to embrace this stage of life as a time of empowerment. By leaning into the changes and focusing on self-care, you can reconnect with yourself and discover new strengths.

    Remember, menopause is not the end of your story—it’s a transformative chapter. Use this time to focus on your well-being, pursue passions, and nurture relationships. You are evolving into a wiser, more resilient version of yourself. Trust the journey, and give yourself the love and care you deserve.

    You’ve got this, and the best is yet to come.

    Helpful Links

    Prioritizing Yourself: A guide for women during menopause 

    The Menopause Brain, by: Lisa Mosconi 

    The New Menopause, by Nary Claire Haver 

    Free Guided Hypnotherapy Sessions

    Download Here

    How to Become the CEO of Your Health During Menopause

    How to Become the CEO of Your Health During Menopause

    by | Jan 26, 2025 | Mental Health, Personal Development, Self Care, Well-Being

    Understanding Menopause and Its Impact

    Did you know that 1 in 3 women are experiencing menopause symptoms at any given moment?

    Yet, over 80% of doctors admit they feel “barely comfortable” discussing the subject. This means the stigma and silence surrounding menopause continue today.  Leaving countless women without the support and guidance they deserve from medical professionals.

    Since menopause symptoms can begin up to a decade before the official transition, nearly 20% of a woman’s life may be spent feeling misunderstood, unsupported, or unprepared.

    That’s why it is time for you to become the CEO of your health during menopause.

     

      Understand the Stages of Menopause.

      I will admit it until recently I was one of those women. I had no idea what was going on with my body.  I was clueless that there were stages to a woman’s menopause journey.

      Let me give you some insight and help you to understand the Stages of Menopause.

       

        

       Stages of Menopause.

      1. Pre-menopausal: The Calm Before the Shift

      Pre-menopause is the phase when your reproductive system is still working as usual. Hormones like estrogen and progesterone are cycling regularly, supporting ovulation and menstruation. During this time, you may feel balanced, with no signs of hormonal change. For many women, perimenopause feels like the “normal” state before the subtle stirrings of change begin.

      1. Perimenopause: The Transition Zone

      Perimenopause is the bridge between your reproductive years and menopause. This phase typically starts in your 40s but can begin earlier. Think of it as your body gradually dialling down hormone production, especially estrogen.

      Common symptoms of perimenopause include:

      • Irregular periods (heavier, lighter, or skipping cycles)
      • Hot flushes and night sweats
      • Mood swings and increased sensitivity
      • Sleep disturbances
      • Brain fog or difficulty focusing

      The intensity of these symptoms varies, with some women barely noticing the changes while others feel like they’re on a rollercoaster. Perimenopause can last several years, with hormone levels fluctuating until you reach the next stage.

      1. Menopause: The Milestone Moment

      Menopause officially begins when you’ve gone 12 consecutive months without a period. For most women, this occurs around age 50. At this stage, your ovaries have significantly reduced their production of estrogen and progesterone, and you’re no longer ovulating.

      Some symptoms of menopause may overlap with perimenopause, like hot flashes and mood changes, but they often start to stabilize over time. Menopause marks the end of fertility, but it’s also a time to reflect, reset, and embrace a new phase of life.

      1. Postmenopausal: Life After Menopause

      The postmenopausal stage starts after you’ve hit that 12-month milestone without a period. Hormone levels remain low, and symptoms like hot flashes typically ease. However, this phase brings its considerations, such as bone health, heart health, and managing the long-term effects of low estrogen.

      If you feel like no one truly understands your journey, you’re not alone. However, by taking charge of your health and educating yourself you can transform this phase into an opportunity for empowerment and growth.

      Why You Should Take Control of Your Menopause Health

      Managing your menopause health isn’t just about alleviating symptoms. It’s about reclaiming your confidence, improving your quality of life, and embracing a holistic approach to wellness.

      How to become the CEO of your health during menopause

      Educate Yourself: The Foundation of Empowerment

      Start by learning about what’s happening to your body. Understanding the changes you’re experiencing can help demystify symptoms and alleviate fear. Key areas to research include:

      • Hormonal Fluctuations: Learn how estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels impact your body.
      • Common Symptoms: Be aware of mood swings, hot flashes, weight changes, and sleep disturbances.
      • Long-Term Impacts: Understand how menopause affects bone density, heart health, and mental clarity.

      Reliable information is power. Turn to trusted resources, including menopause-focused books, online forums, and health practitioners specializing in women’s menopause health.

      Track and Monitor Your Symptoms

      Keeping a symptom journal is a practical and empowering step. Documenting your experiences provides clarity and helps identify patterns. Your log might include:

      • When symptoms occur (time of day, season, or hormonal cycle).
      • Triggers such as diet, stress, or lack of sleep.
      • Severity and duration of symptoms.

      This data becomes invaluable when consulting with healthcare providers, enabling more tailored support.

      Nurture Your Mental and Emotional Well-Being

      Menopause can challenge your emotional health. Stress, anxiety, and mood swings may feel overwhelming, but there are strategies to help:

      • Practice Gratitude: Start or end your day by writing three things you’re grateful for.
      • Explore Therapy Options: Hypnotherapy, mindfulness or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can address emotional challenges effectively. 
      • Build a Support Network: Connect with friends, family, or menopause-specific support groups to share experiences and tips.

      Investing in your mental health enhances your resilience and overall well-being.

      Holistic Approaches to Menopause Symptom Management

      Adopting natural and holistic strategies can complement traditional medical care:

      • Herbal Remedies: Consider black cohosh, red clover, or ashwagandha after consulting a qualified healthcare professional.
      • Nutrition for Hormonal Balance: Prioritize foods like flaxseeds, leafy greens, soy, and oily fish.
      • Acupuncture: This ancient practice has shown promise in reducing hot flashes and promoting relaxation.

      Explore what works for you and remember that small adjustments can have a big impact over time.

      The Role of Physical Activity in Menopause Health

      Staying active not only improves physical health but also boosts mental clarity and emotional balance. Here are some effective activities:

      • Strength Training: Supports bone density and muscle health.
      • Yoga: Enhances core strength and posture, reducing joint pain and creating a sense of emotional calm.
      • Aerobic Exercises: Improve cardiovascular health and combat fatigue.

      Aim for at least 30 minutes of movement five times a week, and choose activities that bring you joy.

      Prioritize Sleep and Restorative Practices

      Sleep disturbances are a common menopause symptom, but they’re not inevitable. Improve your sleep quality by:

      • Establishing a consistent bedtime routine.
      • Reducing screen time an hour before bed.
      • Keeping your bedroom cool and dark.

      For added relaxation, consider incorporating sleep hypnosis,  breathing exercises, yoga nidra, or progressive muscle relaxation techniques. (Try a free yoga nidra session here)

         

          

        Getting the Right Support During Menopause

        Menopause is a significant transition, and having the right support can make all the difference to your well-being. Remember you are the CEO think of it as building your professional team to support you. Here are a few tips on getting the right medical support in place

        Work with the Right Medical Professional

        Seek out a medical professional who specializes in women’s health and truly listens to your concerns. It’s important to feel heard and understood, so don’t hesitate to try different providers until you find one that aligns with your needs. Remember, you are the CEO of your health.

        Once you’ve found a trustworthy healthcare provider, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Be curious, explore your options, and take an active role in your care.

        Self-Care: The Key to Thriving

        Menopause is the perfect time to prioritize self-care. Embrace activities that nourish your body and mind:

        • Treat yourself to spa days, massages, or aromatherapy.
        • Engage in creative outlets like painting, gardening, or journaling.
        • Practice mindfulness daily to stay grounded.

        Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s a necessity.

        Creating Your Personalized Menopause Health Plan

        Taking charge of your menopause journey requires a clear, actionable plan:

        1. Set Health Goals: Identify what’s most important—better sleep, fewer hot flashes, or improved mood.
        2. Find Trusted Professionals: Build a team of specialists who understanding menopause care.
        3. Stay Consistent: Build routines that work with your lifestyle.
        4. Evaluate Progress: Adjust your plan as needed, focusing on what brings the most relief.

         

        Explore Treatment Options

        Menopause is not one-size-fits-all, and there are a variety of treatments available. While Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) can be life-changing for many women, it’s not the only option. Here are a few alternatives to consider:

        Take the time to discuss these options with your healthcare provider to determine what works best for you.

        Finding the right support can empower you to navigate menopause and care for your health.

        Take Charge of Your Health

        Menopause is a natural and transformative phase of life. By becoming the CEO of your health, you reclaim control over your health and wellness during menopause. Empower yourself with reliable sources of information, education, symptom tracking, holistic care, and self-compassion, so you can thrive during menopause.

        Empower yourself you are the CEO of your health so take change you are worth it.

        Helpful Links

         Prioritizing Yourself: A guide for women during menopause 

        The Menopause Brain, by: Lisa Mosconi 

        The New Menopause, by Nary Claire Haver 

        Free Guided Hypnotherapy Sessions

        Download Here
        How To Feel Worthy and Stop Hiding who you are

        How To Feel Worthy and Stop Hiding who you are

        by | Apr 25, 2024 | Well-Being

        In the world we live in, it’s easy to lose sight of our worthiness. The constant pressure to measure up to societal standards, coupled with the fear of judgment and rejection, can leave us feeling unworthy and inadequate. 

        However, the truth is that each of us is inherently worthy. You deserve love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging. Let’s explore how you can embrace your worth, stop hiding who you are, and cultivate a sense of worthiness in your life.

        Understanding Your Worth:

        Before we dive into practical tips, let’s take a moment to understand what worthiness truly means. Worthiness isn’t something you have to earn or prove; it’s an innate aspect of your being. From the moment you were born, you were worthy simply because you exist. However, societal norms, unrealistic expectations, and past experiences can distort our perception of our own worth, leading us to believe that we have to meet certain criteria to be worthy.

        This often leads to us trying to conform to some unrealistic expectation and hiding our true self

        The Consequences of Hiding Your True Self:

        Hiding your true self can have profound consequences on your mental and emotional well-being. When you pretend to be someone you’re not or suppress your true thoughts and feelings, you’re denying yourself the opportunity to live authentically. This can lead to feelings of emptiness, disconnection, and low self-esteem. Leading to, constantly seeking external validation or approval to feel worthy. This can create a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt within us.

        Practical Tips to Embrace Your Worth:

        Now that we’ve explored the importance of embracing your worth, let’s discuss some practical tips to help you stop hiding who you are and cultivate a sense of worthiness in your life:

        1. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, especially during times of struggle or self-doubt. Instead of criticizing yourself for your perceived flaws or mistakes, offer yourself the same level of understanding and empathy you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.

        2. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Identify and challenge any negative beliefs or thoughts you may have about your worthiness. Ask yourself if these beliefs are based on reality or if they’re simply the result of past experiences or societal conditioning. Replace negative self-talk with affirmations that reinforce your inherent worth and value.

        3. Celebrate Your Unique Qualities: Embrace what makes you unique and special. Whether it’s your talents, quirks, or passions, celebrate the qualities that set you apart from others. Remember that your uniqueness is what makes you valuable and worthy of love and acceptance.

        4. Set Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries in your relationships and daily life. Learn to say no to things that don’t align with your values or make you feel uncomfortable. Setting boundaries not only protects your mental and emotional well-being but also reinforces your sense of self-worth.

        5. Practice Authenticity: Be true to yourself and express your thoughts, feelings, and opinions authentically. Don’t be afraid to show vulnerability or share your true self with others. Authenticity fosters genuine connections and allows others to see and appreciate you for who you truly are.

        How To Cultivating Worthiness Daily:

         Here are some daily practices you can incorporate into your life to cultivate a sense of worthiness:

        1.Gratitude Journaling: Take a few minutes each day to write down things you’re grateful for, including your strengths, accomplishments, and the people who support you. Cultivating gratitude helps shift your focus from what’s lacking to what you already have, reinforcing your sense of worthiness.

        2.Mindfulness Meditation: Engage in mindfulness meditation to become more present and self-aware. Practice observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing them to come and go without attaching meaning to them. Mindfulness helps cultivate self-compassion and acceptance, key components of worthiness.  Listen to Free meditations

        3.Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Seek out relationships and communities that celebrate your worthiness and encourage you to be your authentic self. Distance yourself from toxic relationships or the environment. 

         

        4. Positive Affirmations: Repeat affirmations that affirm your worthiness and value. Affirmations such as “I am enough,” “I deserve love and respect,” and “I embrace my authentic self” can counteract negative self-talk and reinforce positive beliefs about yourself. It undermines your sense of worth.

        5.Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you’re struggling to cultivate a sense of worthiness on your own, don’t hesitate to seek support from a counsellor or hypnotherapist. Professional help can provide you with valuable insights, coping strategies, and support to overcome feelings of unworthiness and cultivate a healthier sense of self-esteem.

        Remember this

        You are worthy of love, acceptance, and belonging just as you are. Embracing your worthiness starts with recognizing your inherent value and learning to embrace your true self. By practising self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs, and cultivating authenticity in your life, you can stop hiding who you are and live a life filled with confidence, connection, and joy. Remember, you are worthy, and you deserve to share your light with the world.

        Helpful Links

         Affirmations

        Book

        Worthy: How to believe in yourself and transform your life.

        Download Here

        How To Overcome Self Doubt

        How To Overcome Self Doubt

        by | Dec 13, 2022 | Mental Health, Well-Being

        Is Your Self Doubt Holding You Back? 

        Self-doubt is a persistent little bugger. The voice in your head that likes to show up at the most inconvenient time. You start to contemplate a change or do something new. Then the voice of self-double decides to make an appearance. You are creating an internal conflict. You feel uncertain and question yourself. You allow that voice of self-doubt to hold you back and keep you stuck in what is familiar and safe.

        Can you relate?

        That persuasive voice of self-doubt talks you out of going for your dreams or, making a change. Self-doubt love to come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn’t try something different.

         

        You start to :

        • Comparing yourselves to others,
        • Worry about what others will think if you try something new.
        • You question if you are doing the right thing by trying something new.
        • You ask yourself, am I good enough to even try?

        The list of negativity goes on and on….

         

         

        Self-doubt makes you feel stuck and debilitates you from making a change.

        The battle between you and self-doubt is real.

        Most of us have experienced self-doubt when wanting to move to something new. Often, we allow the voice of self-doubt to hold us back. It takes over our thoughts and stops us in our tracks from making change.

        Once that voice of self-doubt takes hold. It’s not uncommon to take a step back, stand still and prevent yourself from moving forward. You retreat into your comfort zone. Where self-doubt finally starts to silence the negativity in your mind. You allowed self-doubt to win and you remain stuck in your old ways.

        Overcoming self-doubt is confronting and uncomfortable. The butterfly in the stomach and fear takes hold. It feels easier and safer to stay with what is familiar and comfortable. But if you stay with what is comfortable you become stuck and dormant. You don’t grow to your full potential. Facing self-doubt allows you to be open to new experiences, pursue your dreams and live life to the fullest.

        You make the decision that you are ready to move forward and embrace something new. The time has come to step up and overcome your self-doubt.

        Get to know your self-doubt on a deeper level.

        I know this may be thinking what! I want to get rid of my self-doubt not get to know it.

        But, getting to know self-doubt will support you in overcoming your self-doubt.

        The first step of getting to know yourself doubt is to listen to the words of self-doubt.

        Start paying attention to the words that you say to yourselves. It can be easy to let the voice of self-doubt start planting the seeds of all the reasons why we can’t start something new. Then before you know self-doubt had done its job and stop you from moving forward. You retreat and don’t take the steps toward what we wanted. You need to start listening to what that voice is saying. What does your self-doubt say to you? Listen and note the words you say to yourself.

        To overcome self-doubt, you need to be aware of how self-doubt is holding us back. Ask yourself how you hold yourself back because of your self-doubt

        Is your self-doubt stopping you from trying something new?

        Once you become more aware of what the voice of self-doubt is saying. You can see how your self-doubt is holding you back from all the new possibilities that are waiting for you.

         

        Connect with the feeling

        The next step is to connect with the feel.

        Now that you are more aware, you can start exploring how it would feel to try something new. To know if something new is right we can use our body as a guide. When you think about the new experience, does it feel expansive or restrictive in the body? Became aware of your body and the feeling you get when you think about the new. If you feel expansive, your body is telling you it’s right for you.

        Are you ready to start embracing something new?

        Then this is how you can prevent your self-doubt from taking over. Focuses your mind on how this new experience will improve your life. Feel in your body. How will it feel to bring this experience into your life? Focusing on the improvement, the new will bring into your life. Seeing it feeling it helps quieten and calm the voice of self-doubt. Once you start to quieten self-doubt. You start building momentum towards making room for something new

        Now we have a clear indication of the new experience, you want, and why you want it. You have quietened the voice of self-double by reassuring it. You are now feeling more open to new possibilities, and ready to embrace them.

        Get clear about your why

        What do you want and why do you want it?

        You need to be clear about what new experience you want and why. Do you want a new job, start a new business, relationship, new hobby, or travel somewhere new? It’s important to be clear about what you want and why. Once you are clear about what new experience you want and why. You now have a powerful tool for overcoming that voice of self-doubt. Inspiration is not enough to keep you going when self-doubt takes over and feel like giving up. You must have a way to motivate you to push past the obstacles that self-doubt will bring up. Strong knowledge of why you want this new experience. Will help you keep your mind focused even when you feel like you are caught in the negative cycle of self-doubt.

        Your why is the reason you will be determined to keep going because you are clear about what you what and why you want it.

         Write down you’re why statement and have it somewhere where you can see it and read it often. You know that voice of self-doubt decides to show up you have something more powerful you why.

        Embrace the new and your self-doubt

        It’s now time to start thinking about one step you can take towards the new experience you want. List down one step you can take to move towards something new you want to experience. Then take that step toward what you want.

        I have personally found one of the best ways to overcome self-double, is to start taking small action steps towards the new experience I want to create. By starting and taking action. I’m moving towards what I want.

        Once you start to take action steps towards what you want. The self-doubt slowly disappears.

        Then you look back and realise how far we have come. By taking that one step towards that new experience, you wanted.

        Start that thing you have been dreaming about, and don’t let your self-doubt hold you back. Allow yourself to be open to the possibilities of the new and let go of the old. Be ready to embrace all the new and exciting experiences that are coming your way.

        Self-doubt can only hold you back if you allow it to. Know what you want, and why you want it.  See it, feel and believe it is possible for you. Even if self-doubt shows up you can overcome it by taking one step at a time towards your dreams.

        Start taking those steps today.

         

         

         

        Resources:

        Free Meditation to help you your self-doubt Click here

        How to Make your needs a priority Read More 

        How To Make Your Needs a Priority

        How To Make Your Needs a Priority

        by | Nov 15, 2022 | Mental Health, Self Care, Well-Being

        Do you put others needs before your own needs?

        Why do you feel the need to put yourselves last? 

        Is it because you think it is selfish to put your needs first?

        Often as children, we are told to think of others. We were encouraged to allow others to go before us and to think about their needs. When I was a child, this was considered good manners. Now I’m not suggesting that showing others kindness and empathy to another person is a negative thing. I want to explore how we carry these patterns into our adult life and put the needs of others first.

        Why  don’t we  show ourselves the same kindness and empathy we are willing to show others? We make other people’s needs more important than our own needs.

        On the odd occasion, you try and put your needs first what is your reaction?

        Do you consider yourself selfish for even daring to think about yourself?

        We push our own needs aside thinking by putting others first will make us a good person.

        Does it actually make you feel good putting everyone else’s needs above your own?

        By putting yourself last you are actually not able to effectively care for others.

        On an aeroplane, the safety message says to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else.

        This same principle could be applied to life. If you don’t help yourself and put your needs first, then what happens?  It feels like life energy is being drained out of you. You use all your energy to think and care about others and you end up neglecting your own needs.

        Often you have pushed your own needs aside for so long it’s difficult to recognize what your needs are.

        I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t think about others or care for them, I’m saying that if caring for everyone else at the expense of always putting yourself last, then how effectively can you care for others?

         

         

        Have you heard the saying is you can’t pour from an empty cup?

        Essentially, the saying means that in order for you to effectively take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

        So how do you fill that cup?  Because the fact is, you are worthy of putting your need first.  In fact, it is essential that you recognize what your needs are and start putting yourself first. Now if you have been putting everyone else first this notion of putting yourself first is going to feel uncomfortable.  I’m sure your mind has started to come up with lots of excuses about you putting your needs first.

         Often the mind will say things like this:

        • You can’t do that
        • That selfish
        • What will others think
        • I have to take care of my children, mother, father, partner.

        And let’s face it! the list could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is if you’re not taking care of yourself and putting your needs first who will take care of your needs?

        Do you ever catch yourself feeling resentful about doing so much for everyone else and no one seems to notice or be thinking about your needs,

        We teach others how to treat us and if you have always put everyone else first and our own needs last then this is what other will expect from us.

        You are worthy of having your needs met. In fact, it is essential that you start taking care of yourself and your needs. Stop putting yourself last and start putting yourself first for a change.

        I bet your next question is well that sounds great but how do I do that.

        You do that by starting to fill your own bucket!

        What does it mean to fill your own bucket? It means doing those things for yourself that you enjoy. You know those things that fill you up, energize you and give you joy in your life. Ultimately filling your own bucket.

        Unfortunately, these are often the things we push aside and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we can’t do those things that fill us up. Leading to a leaking bucket feeling depleted and your bucket empty.

        We are great at doing all we can to fill other’s bucket. But what about your bucket? How do you fill your bucket and prioritize yourself?

        Filling your bucket is about doing those things that are important to you. The things that you have a passion for, make life fun and enjoyable. Your bucket is completely unique to you. We all have things that light us up.

        What’s in your bucket?

        It’s time for you to have some fun and create your buckets. As I mentioned your buckets are unique to you. Don’t look outwards to find the answer go within, give yourself some time to reflect on what is important to you.

        Your bucket can take on many forms. It could be health, personal development self-care time. The list goes on.

        There are no limitations to what your bucket is. It is about you getting clear about what is important to you in life.

        Your mission if you’re ready to accept it is to create your buckets. Start by creating a list of all the things that are important to you. Those things that give you energy, support you or give you a whole lot of joy. Have fun and allow yourself to create your buckets.

        Here is an example of what my buckets look like. These are the things that fill me up.

        •  Quality Time with my partner
        •  Connecting with my Spirituality
        •  Taking care of my mental health
        •  helping others
        • Learning new things
        • Travel

        Create what’s important to you!

        Now it’s time for you to create your own list of buckets of the things that are important to you.

        Once you have your list of buckets. How are you going to make sure you fill each of them?

        Create a plan and prioritise your buckets. These are the things that are important to you and create your fulfilling life.

        You have two choices here. You can continue as you are and function on empty, or you can fill your bucket and feel full. It’s up to you.

        We must take care of ourselves before we have the capacity to care for others.  Else we end up with an empty bucket and feeling unfilled.

        Create your list of buckets and start filling them up!

        .

        Remember it’s not selfish to care for yourself it’s a necessary

        The Pathway of change

        The Pathway of change

        by | Sep 22, 2021 | Well-Being

        A guide to navigating change in your life)

        At one point or another, we need to walk the pathway of change.

        Change is never easy. I will admit I never enjoy change. I like it when things are predictable and I have a plan.

        I will confess I like to feel I am in control.

        Our world has gone through a massive change and so many have felt the impact on a global scale.

        When we experience change, it feels scary and unstable. The mind likes to keep us safe. It will often bring up thoughts that fill us with fear. Not helpful! but the mind thinks it’s doing a good job at keeping us safe from harm. The mind likes to keep things familiar and predictable. The reality is most of us like to have some predictability in our life.

        When a change in your life occurs, how do you manage it is the question.

        Change is like walking down an unfamiliar pathway. We are met with an uncertainty of where it will lead, we may encounter detours, and we are not too sure of what we will encounter along the way. Deep down we hope the change will lead to something even better in our life. Yet, that uncertain voice inside of us will present all the “what-if scenarios”. We like to be prepared and have a plan in case something goes wrong.

        While we are walking the pathway of change how do we navigate the array of feelings and thoughts that come up?

        Here are three practices that can help you with navigating change in you life

        1. Discover the resources you have within you

        We all go through many phases of change within our lifetime. Reminding ourselves that we have been through change before. Think for a moment about who you are today. All the changing versions of yourself, you have experienced over your lifetime.

        A great way to recognise what changes you have been through is to look back and think about all the changes you have gone through .

        Take out a piece of paper find a quiet place and allow 15 minutes to create your change list.

        Write down a list of all the changes you can think of that you have gone through up until today.

        From the list look at the item think about either the lessons or the resources, you have gained from that change. There will be a mixture of positive change and change that may have difficult for you. Even from change that was difficult, some of the great’s lessons emerge. It can feel tough when you are going through change. But once you’re on the other side you have learned and grown from the experience.

        That’s why this practice is so powerful. It reminds us that even in difficult circumstances. We raise to the challenge and get through the change. We have the resources within us we have been through change before and we survived.

        2. Opening up the change.

        The more we resist change the more difficult we make it for ourselves. While we know this on a conscious leave, we still seem to love to resist change. We want to stay in our comfort zone where it is familiar and safe. But change is enviable. Everything changes no matter how much we want to keep it the same. Life is constantly evolving, let us make it easier on ourselves by opening up to change. Being open to change allows us the grace to be present and to feel what is coming up.

        Sit with the feeling and allowing the feeling to be there. It may feel uncomfortable. But have you noticed the more you try and resist the more uncomfortable the feeling becomes? Try allowing the feeling to be there. Bring your attention to the feeling and breath into it. Then allow yourself to open up to the feeling, without pushing it away, allow any feeling to be there as it is. Without pushing or fighting. Continue to observe any sensations you feel. If the feeling changes that is ok. If it doesn’t change that is ok also. The goal here is not to get rid of the feeling. The aim is to allow the feeling to be there.

        You may be asking what the point of this exercise is if you feel uncomfortable. This exercise is about showing you that uncomfortable feelings can arise within you. But, the more you push and try to get rid of them, the more uncomfortable and challenged your feelings. Through this struggle with feeling, you make the change more painful for yourself. By allowing the feelings to be there and being with it. You eventually drop the struggles with the feeling. You open up to and make room for the feeling. You’re making life easier for yourself. By allowing yourself to be open and flow with the change without resistance.

        3. Show yourself compassion

        One of the most important practices, when change happens, is to show compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself. A simple way to show yourself compassion during times of change. Is to use compassionate hands practice.  Take your right hand and place it over your heart. Place your left hand on the upper part of your stomach. Imagine your hands are filled with loving compassionate energy. As you hold yourself with these compassionate hands. Allow yourself to take some slow deep breaths. You may want to repeat to yourself “ I am okay”

        This practice can be used anytime you need to show yourself love and compassion, during challenging times.  (I have recorded a guided practice for this here 

        Change within our lives is enviable. Things will change around us and within us no matter how much we want to hold onto the way things are. As you walk the pathway of change remind yourself. You have resources within you, you have been through change before. Resisting change makes, it is more difficult to allow yourself to open up to the feeling. The most important thing to remember is when you experiencing change, hold yourself with love and compassion

        If you need more support with the change you are experiencing in your life please please get in touch with me or have a look at my work with me page. I would love to support you during this time.