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The Pathway of change

The Pathway of change

by | Sep 22, 2021 | Well-Being

A guide to navigating change in your life)

At one point or another, we need to walk the pathway of change.

Change is never easy. I will admit I never enjoy change. I like it when things are predictable and I have a plan.

I will confess I like to feel I am in control.

Our world has gone through a massive change and so many have felt the impact on a global scale.

When we experience change, it feels scary and unstable. The mind likes to keep us safe. It will often bring up thoughts that fill us with fear. Not helpful! but the mind thinks it’s doing a good job at keeping us safe from harm. The mind likes to keep things familiar and predictable. The reality is most of us like to have some predictability in our life.

When a change in your life occurs, how do you manage it is the question.

Change is like walking down an unfamiliar pathway. We are met with an uncertainty of where it will lead, we may encounter detours, and we are not too sure of what we will encounter along the way. Deep down we hope the change will lead to something even better in our life. Yet, that uncertain voice inside of us will present all the “what-if scenarios”. We like to be prepared and have a plan in case something goes wrong.

While we are walking the pathway of change how do we navigate the array of feelings and thoughts that come up?

Here are three practices that can help you with navigating change in you life

1. Discover the resources you have within you

We all go through many phases of change within our lifetime. Reminding ourselves that we have been through change before. Think for a moment about who you are today. All the changing versions of yourself, you have experienced over your lifetime.

A great way to recognise what changes you have been through is to look back and think about all the changes you have gone through .

Take out a piece of paper find a quiet place and allow 15 minutes to create your change list.

Write down a list of all the changes you can think of that you have gone through up until today.

From the list look at the item think about either the lessons or the resources, you have gained from that change. There will be a mixture of positive change and change that may have difficult for you. Even from change that was difficult, some of the great’s lessons emerge. It can feel tough when you are going through change. But once you’re on the other side you have learned and grown from the experience.

That’s why this practice is so powerful. It reminds us that even in difficult circumstances. We raise to the challenge and get through the change. We have the resources within us we have been through change before and we survived.

2. Opening up the change.

The more we resist change the more difficult we make it for ourselves. While we know this on a conscious leave, we still seem to love to resist change. We want to stay in our comfort zone where it is familiar and safe. But change is enviable. Everything changes no matter how much we want to keep it the same. Life is constantly evolving, let us make it easier on ourselves by opening up to change. Being open to change allows us the grace to be present and to feel what is coming up.

Sit with the feeling and allowing the feeling to be there. It may feel uncomfortable. But have you noticed the more you try and resist the more uncomfortable the feeling becomes? Try allowing the feeling to be there. Bring your attention to the feeling and breath into it. Then allow yourself to open up to the feeling, without pushing it away, allow any feeling to be there as it is. Without pushing or fighting. Continue to observe any sensations you feel. If the feeling changes that is ok. If it doesn’t change that is ok also. The goal here is not to get rid of the feeling. The aim is to allow the feeling to be there.

You may be asking what the point of this exercise is if you feel uncomfortable. This exercise is about showing you that uncomfortable feelings can arise within you. But, the more you push and try to get rid of them, the more uncomfortable and challenged your feelings. Through this struggle with feeling, you make the change more painful for yourself. By allowing the feelings to be there and being with it. You eventually drop the struggles with the feeling. You open up to and make room for the feeling. You’re making life easier for yourself. By allowing yourself to be open and flow with the change without resistance.

3. Show yourself compassion

One of the most important practices, when change happens, is to show compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself. A simple way to show yourself compassion during times of change. Is to use compassionate hands practice.  Take your right hand and place it over your heart. Place your left hand on the upper part of your stomach. Imagine your hands are filled with loving compassionate energy. As you hold yourself with these compassionate hands. Allow yourself to take some slow deep breaths. You may want to repeat to yourself “ I am okay”

This practice can be used anytime you need to show yourself love and compassion, during challenging times.  (I have recorded a guided practice for this here 

Change within our lives is enviable. Things will change around us and within us no matter how much we want to hold onto the way things are. As you walk the pathway of change remind yourself. You have resources within you, you have been through change before. Resisting change makes, it is more difficult to allow yourself to open up to the feeling. The most important thing to remember is when you experiencing change, hold yourself with love and compassion

If you need more support with the change you are experiencing in your life please please get in touch with me or have a look at my work with me page. I would love to support you during this time.

 

 

 

A Guide To Self -Compassion

A Guide To Self -Compassion

by | Feb 23, 2021 | Mental Health

Many of us struggle with self-compassion. I personally view myself as a compassionate person, but self-compassion is something I have struggled with, in my own life. I’ve had to learn the skills of how to be kind and compassionate towards myself.

Self-compassion takes practise, patience and perseverance, to perfect your skills.  Once you master the skill of self-compassion, you unveil a beautiful masterpiece within yourself

So how do we start creating our masterpiece within ourselves?

As I mentioned, many of us view ourselves as compassionate people. It’s easier to treat others with compassion, kindness and warmth. However, many of us can struggle to treat ourselves with the same compassion.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is a mindfulness technique. It is the ability to acknowledge your own, thought, feelings and responses with understanding acceptance and kindness towards yourself

In other words, treating yourself the same way you would treat a good friend who is experiencing painful emotions. Think about how you would treat that friend. I am sure you would be warm, caring, kind and compassionate, towards them.

However, if you were in the same emotional pain. Could you extend the same compassion and love towards yourself? Are you able to acknowledge your plain and hold yourself in a kind, caring, warm, and compassionate way?

It is not always easy to show ourselves compassion. When we are in pain, we offend treat ourselves with harshness unkind word, judging and criticizing ourselves. The inner critic’s loves to show up when we make a mistake, fail at something or feel stressed and overwhelmed.

When the inner critic overwhelms us with judgement, harsh words, and negativity,   it is easy to miss the point of self-compassion. We invalidate our emotions by telling ourselves: We should not feel this way. We should not have these thoughts. Our mind tells us we should not act like this. We call ourselves unkind names. We repeated the “I am not good enough” story over and over again.

Does it sound familiar to you? We can be so harsh and critical of ourselves. Invalidating our experiences, thoughts, feeling and emotions. When we are overcome by difficult thoughts or feelings. This is the perfect time to learn how to show ourselves more self-compassion.

Many of us have little or no experience with self-compassion. Often when we told about self-companion, we find it threatening self-indigent or overwhelming.

The fact is that self-compassion has so many positive effects on every aspect of our lives.

Over the last decade, research has consistently shown a positive correlation between self-compassion and well-being

That including:

  • Boost to happiness
  • Improved self-imagine
  • Self-worth
  •  Resilience
  •  Reduce stress
  •  Improved mental health

How do we start taking the steps to develop self-compassion?

The concept of self-compassion may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first. If you are embarking on this self-compassion journey for the first time. Start by building self-compassion through small steps.

Do not allow yourself to be threatened and overwhelmed by the inner critic telling you it’s too hard.

Stop and reflect for a moment: “We have been criticizing ourselves for years and it has not worked. Let’s try something different. Try showing yourself approve, compassion and kindness and see what happens”

Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Here are some tips to get you started with self-compassion.

Understanding the relationship with the Inner critic.

Most of us are familiar with the inner critic. That voice in our mind is quick to judge and citizen us. The inner critic seems to enjoy the opportunity to highlight our mistakes, flaws, and failures.

Making us feel that we cannot measure up to the expectation, we place on ourselves. We replay the “never good enough” story on repeat in our mind. The relationship we have with our inner critic gives us the opportunity to start taking the first steps to developing self-compassion. We can learn how to release the “I’m not good enough story”, self-judgment and harsh words of the inner critic.

This is one of the most important steps towards self-compassion.

The first step is we need to become aware of the stories we tell ourselves. We can do this by, noticing and naming the story our inner critic is telling us. Then we can teach start ourselves how to disengage from the inner critic.

We do this by seeing the inner critics as nothing more than words and pictures, our mind is showing us. We do not need to get into a discussion with ourselves about whether it’s true or false. We can show ourselves self-compassion. By letting the thoughts and pictures of the inner critic come and go in their own time. We do not need to be pushed around by the inner critic. We can show ourselves kindness and compassion in the storm of the inner critic by:

Talk to ourselves in a caring gentle and understanding way.

Try this: Notice and Name the Story

  • This week start to notice the story you tell yourself.
  • You may want to write down the words you say to yourself.
  • The next step- is to name the story eg, (There is the “I’m not good enough story).
  • By giving the story a name, it gives you more power. Realising it’s a story, it does not mean it is true or false. It’s only words and you can choose how much power you give those words.
  • Let go of the story if it is unkind.
  • Put your hand on your heart. Take some deep breaths. Release the words and show yourself kindness and compassion.

Only through practice and patience, do we become better at showing ourselves compassion. Next time the inner critic shows up and starts judgement and using harsh words.  Take a moment pause and notice and name the story. Remember self-compassion is showing yourself the same kindness you would show a  friend or loved one in pain. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of kindness, and most of all you are worthy of self-compassion.  Start mastering the skill of self-compassion and unveil that beautiful masterpiece that is within you.

Are you ready to start taking the first steps to show yourself self-compassion?

I would love to hear how you feel about this topic and how you are bringing more self-compassion into your life. Please comment and share your experience

Do you feel inspired to start your journey of self-compassion? Please click here for more information about how I can help you with self-compassion. It is one of my favourite things to teach. If you have any questions please feel free to get in touch 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five Ways To Release Emotional Overwhelm

Five Ways To Release Emotional Overwhelm

by | Nov 27, 2020 | Mental Health

Let’s face it we can all agree on one thing,  2020 has been a year to remember. We have all been affected in one way or another

I have been reflecting lately on the impact this year has had on my own personal emotional health. I have noticed that there is a lingering feeling of emotional overwhelm. That feeling of being in constant fight or flight mode, because you don’t know what is coming next.

Being in this emotional state is exhausting and overwhelming right!

 The unpredictability of a situation that is out of our control. It  like being on an emotional roller coaster. The adrenaline kicks in and goes into overdrive, The feeling of heightened anxiety about what going to happen on the ride. However, I guess with a roller coaster the ride ends and we can calm our emotions.

This situation is something most of us have experienced before. In our lifetime, few of us have lived through a pandemic. This is all a new experience. Which understandable will bring up a whole lot of emotional overwhelm.

We can all take some comfort in knowing that this situation with the pandemic will also come to end. Kind of like the roller coaster ride come to an end. The wave of emotions will calm down. In the meant time how do we deal with the emotions going inside of us?

We don’t know what’s coming next.

We question the unknown

What will happen next,?

What will our world will look like in the future?

These are all reasonable questions to be asking.

I have heard the feeling we are experienced explained like this. It very much like the feeling that are experienced during grief.

 Upon reflecting that description seems to fit. A feeling of loss of what use to be is no longer for many of us. The grief of losing the world we knew and felt had some predictability and security about it. Now coming to the realization that the world we once knew, has gone and has changed forever. This is no wonder feeling of emotional overwhelm is arising within. There is so much to process.

If we look at it, we all have lost something this year. We do not need to justify what we feeling about that loss by minimizing it. Or telling ourselves someone has it worse than us. Yes, it is possible; there are many people who have had a challenging time. However, it is okay for you feel the way you feel. Acknowledge your own feelings and give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. Go within and feel what you feeling. Give yourself time and space to explore the emotions that is coming up for you.

 I guess the next question you will be asking is what do we do about this emotional overwhelm. How do I deal with all the feelings that are coming up?

Many of us are feeling emotionally overwhelmed and energetically exhausted.

I get it! I have been feeling overwhelm and exhaustion too.

I want to share my best tips with you on how I have been able to calm emotional overwhelm.

 Emotional overwhelm is something most of us have all experienced this year.

Those times when emotions feel like they are spiralling out of control. Its overwhelming trying to deal with all the emotions that are rising up inside.

 When you feel emotionally overwhelmed. A natural reaction is for the mind to try to control the feeling. Your mind starts to kick in and bring up all sorts of self-talk. In my experience, this heightens the feelings. Then leads to even more emotional overwhelm!

 We could all do with a little calmer in our life right now. Let’s look at five tips to calm emotional overwhelm.

#Tip 1 Be Aware Of Your Feeling

 Observe yourself and answer these two questions: When I’m emotionally overwhelmed where do I feel it in my body?

What is my first reaction when I feel emotionally overwhelmed?

 Once you completed tip one you will be more aware of how you feel and react to emotional overwhelm. Let move on to tip two.

 

#Tip 2: Breath And Ground Yourself.

 

When you feel yourself, reacting to emotional overwhelm, try this next step:

Ground yourself:

Sit with the feet touching the floor.

 Become aware of your feet and firmly push them into the floor.

 Feeling your feet firmly grounded.

 Take your awareness to your breath. Focus on your breath. Breathe into the count of four. Breath out to the count of four Breath in the count of four and breath out to the count of four.

 Repeat two more cycles (in and out to the count of four). This grounding and breathing are helpful in creating a sense of support. By grounding yourself and release some of your emotional overwhelm.

 

#Tip 3: Be Mindful- Calm The Mind.

 

When you are feeling emotionally overwhelm the mind will start to race. It comes up with lots of thoughts and will often go to worst case scenario thinking. Calm the mind by practising some mindfulness.

 Stop for a moment.

Look around and name 5 things you can see.

Listen and name 5 things you can hear.

Notice 5 things you can feel on your body for example fingers, hands arm ect…

 Practice this throughout the day and notice how it makes you feel. This practice helped you to calm the mind when you in a state of overwhelm. It brings the mind back to focal point and helps to gain back control over your thoughts.

 

#Tip 4 – Body Scan

 Scan your body and be aware of any feelings of overwhelm that may be still present.

 Starting at your feet then moving up your body.

Moving your attention up to your legs, your torso, arms, neck and head.

 Bring your attention to the body and being within the body.

 Take some slow deep breaths to release any uncomfortable sensations and calm yourself.

 By bringing the attention to our body. We give our self’s the space to move out of the emotion and back into being present within the body.

#Tip 5- Affirm

One of my favourite was to calm my emotional is through affirmations.

 Take a few slow breaths in and out.

If it feels good place you hand on your heart.

 Repeat to yourself the affirmation “I am ok”

 Keep repeating the words to yourself until you notice a shift in your emotions

 These three simple  words I find bring reassuring and have a calming effect.

 By using tips they have helped me to gain back control over my emotions overwhelm. The best thing about these is they only take a few minutes. You can implemented these tips whenever the feeling of emotional overwhelm arises.

 I hope these tips served you and helped you to release emotional overwhelm. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Remind yourself that you doing the best you can under difficult circumstances.

 

I would love to help you with even more with strategies for emotional overwhelm. Learn more about my private session here

 I have created some free meditations to calm emotions click here to download

 Love and gratitude to you

 Tanya x