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The Pathway of change

The Pathway of change

by | Sep 22, 2021 | Well-Being

A guide to navigating change in your life)

At one point or another, we need to walk the pathway of change.

Change is never easy. I will admit I never enjoy change. I like it when things are predictable and I have a plan.

I will confess I like to feel I am in control.

Our world has gone through a massive change and so many have felt the impact on a global scale.

When we experience change, it feels scary and unstable. The mind likes to keep us safe. It will often bring up thoughts that fill us with fear. Not helpful! but the mind thinks it’s doing a good job at keeping us safe from harm. The mind likes to keep things familiar and predictable. The reality is most of us like to have some predictability in our life.

When a change in your life occurs, how do you manage it is the question.

Change is like walking down an unfamiliar pathway. We are met with an uncertainty of where it will lead, we may encounter detours, and we are not too sure of what we will encounter along the way. Deep down we hope the change will lead to something even better in our life. Yet, that uncertain voice inside of us will present all the “what-if scenarios”. We like to be prepared and have a plan in case something goes wrong.

While we are walking the pathway of change how do we navigate the array of feelings and thoughts that come up?

Here are three practices that can help you with navigating change in you life

1. Discover the resources you have within you

We all go through many phases of change within our lifetime. Reminding ourselves that we have been through change before. Think for a moment about who you are today. All the changing versions of yourself, you have experienced over your lifetime.

A great way to recognise what changes you have been through is to look back and think about all the changes you have gone through .

Take out a piece of paper find a quiet place and allow 15 minutes to create your change list.

Write down a list of all the changes you can think of that you have gone through up until today.

From the list look at the item think about either the lessons or the resources, you have gained from that change. There will be a mixture of positive change and change that may have difficult for you. Even from change that was difficult, some of the great’s lessons emerge. It can feel tough when you are going through change. But once you’re on the other side you have learned and grown from the experience.

That’s why this practice is so powerful. It reminds us that even in difficult circumstances. We raise to the challenge and get through the change. We have the resources within us we have been through change before and we survived.

2. Opening up the change.

The more we resist change the more difficult we make it for ourselves. While we know this on a conscious leave, we still seem to love to resist change. We want to stay in our comfort zone where it is familiar and safe. But change is enviable. Everything changes no matter how much we want to keep it the same. Life is constantly evolving, let us make it easier on ourselves by opening up to change. Being open to change allows us the grace to be present and to feel what is coming up.

Sit with the feeling and allowing the feeling to be there. It may feel uncomfortable. But have you noticed the more you try and resist the more uncomfortable the feeling becomes? Try allowing the feeling to be there. Bring your attention to the feeling and breath into it. Then allow yourself to open up to the feeling, without pushing it away, allow any feeling to be there as it is. Without pushing or fighting. Continue to observe any sensations you feel. If the feeling changes that is ok. If it doesn’t change that is ok also. The goal here is not to get rid of the feeling. The aim is to allow the feeling to be there.

You may be asking what the point of this exercise is if you feel uncomfortable. This exercise is about showing you that uncomfortable feelings can arise within you. But, the more you push and try to get rid of them, the more uncomfortable and challenged your feelings. Through this struggle with feeling, you make the change more painful for yourself. By allowing the feelings to be there and being with it. You eventually drop the struggles with the feeling. You open up to and make room for the feeling. You’re making life easier for yourself. By allowing yourself to be open and flow with the change without resistance.

3. Show yourself compassion

One of the most important practices, when change happens, is to show compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself. A simple way to show yourself compassion during times of change. Is to use compassionate hands practice.  Take your right hand and place it over your heart. Place your left hand on the upper part of your stomach. Imagine your hands are filled with loving compassionate energy. As you hold yourself with these compassionate hands. Allow yourself to take some slow deep breaths. You may want to repeat to yourself “ I am okay”

This practice can be used anytime you need to show yourself love and compassion, during challenging times.  (I have recorded a guided practice for this here 

Change within our lives is enviable. Things will change around us and within us no matter how much we want to hold onto the way things are. As you walk the pathway of change remind yourself. You have resources within you, you have been through change before. Resisting change makes, it is more difficult to allow yourself to open up to the feeling. The most important thing to remember is when you experiencing change, hold yourself with love and compassion

If you need more support with the change you are experiencing in your life please please get in touch with me or have a look at my work with me page. I would love to support you during this time.

 

 

 

A Guide To Self -Compassion

A Guide To Self -Compassion

by | Feb 23, 2021 | Mental Health

Many of us struggle with self-compassion. I personally view myself as a compassionate person, but self-compassion is something I have struggled with, in my own life. I’ve had to learn the skills of how to be kind and compassionate towards myself.

Self-compassion takes practise, patience and perseverance, to perfect your skills.  Once you master the skill of self-compassion, you unveil a beautiful masterpiece within yourself

So how do we start creating our masterpiece within ourselves?

As I mentioned, many of us view ourselves as compassionate people. It’s easier to treat others with compassion, kindness and warmth. However, many of us can struggle to treat ourselves with the same compassion.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is a mindfulness technique. It is the ability to acknowledge your own, thought, feelings and responses with understanding acceptance and kindness towards yourself

In other words, treating yourself the same way you would treat a good friend who is experiencing painful emotions. Think about how you would treat that friend. I am sure you would be warm, caring, kind and compassionate, towards them.

However, if you were in the same emotional pain. Could you extend the same compassion and love towards yourself? Are you able to acknowledge your plain and hold yourself in a kind, caring, warm, and compassionate way?

It is not always easy to show ourselves compassion. When we are in pain, we offend treat ourselves with harshness unkind word, judging and criticizing ourselves. The inner critic’s loves to show up when we make a mistake, fail at something or feel stressed and overwhelmed.

When the inner critic overwhelms us with judgement, harsh words, and negativity,   it is easy to miss the point of self-compassion. We invalidate our emotions by telling ourselves: We should not feel this way. We should not have these thoughts. Our mind tells us we should not act like this. We call ourselves unkind names. We repeated the “I am not good enough” story over and over again.

Does it sound familiar to you? We can be so harsh and critical of ourselves. Invalidating our experiences, thoughts, feeling and emotions. When we are overcome by difficult thoughts or feelings. This is the perfect time to learn how to show ourselves more self-compassion.

Many of us have little or no experience with self-compassion. Often when we told about self-companion, we find it threatening self-indigent or overwhelming.

The fact is that self-compassion has so many positive effects on every aspect of our lives.

Over the last decade, research has consistently shown a positive correlation between self-compassion and well-being

That including:

  • Boost to happiness
  • Improved self-imagine
  • Self-worth
  •  Resilience
  •  Reduce stress
  •  Improved mental health

How do we start taking the steps to develop self-compassion?

The concept of self-compassion may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first. If you are embarking on this self-compassion journey for the first time. Start by building self-compassion through small steps.

Do not allow yourself to be threatened and overwhelmed by the inner critic telling you it’s too hard.

Stop and reflect for a moment: “We have been criticizing ourselves for years and it has not worked. Let’s try something different. Try showing yourself approve, compassion and kindness and see what happens”

Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Here are some tips to get you started with self-compassion.

Understanding the relationship with the Inner critic.

Most of us are familiar with the inner critic. That voice in our mind is quick to judge and citizen us. The inner critic seems to enjoy the opportunity to highlight our mistakes, flaws, and failures.

Making us feel that we cannot measure up to the expectation, we place on ourselves. We replay the “never good enough” story on repeat in our mind. The relationship we have with our inner critic gives us the opportunity to start taking the first steps to developing self-compassion. We can learn how to release the “I’m not good enough story”, self-judgment and harsh words of the inner critic.

This is one of the most important steps towards self-compassion.

The first step is we need to become aware of the stories we tell ourselves. We can do this by, noticing and naming the story our inner critic is telling us. Then we can teach start ourselves how to disengage from the inner critic.

We do this by seeing the inner critics as nothing more than words and pictures, our mind is showing us. We do not need to get into a discussion with ourselves about whether it’s true or false. We can show ourselves self-compassion. By letting the thoughts and pictures of the inner critic come and go in their own time. We do not need to be pushed around by the inner critic. We can show ourselves kindness and compassion in the storm of the inner critic by:

Talk to ourselves in a caring gentle and understanding way.

Try this: Notice and Name the Story

  • This week start to notice the story you tell yourself.
  • You may want to write down the words you say to yourself.
  • The next step- is to name the story eg, (There is the “I’m not good enough story).
  • By giving the story a name, it gives you more power. Realising it’s a story, it does not mean it is true or false. It’s only words and you can choose how much power you give those words.
  • Let go of the story if it is unkind.
  • Put your hand on your heart. Take some deep breaths. Release the words and show yourself kindness and compassion.

Only through practice and patience, do we become better at showing ourselves compassion. Next time the inner critic shows up and starts judgement and using harsh words.  Take a moment pause and notice and name the story. Remember self-compassion is showing yourself the same kindness you would show a  friend or loved one in pain. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of kindness, and most of all you are worthy of self-compassion.  Start mastering the skill of self-compassion and unveil that beautiful masterpiece that is within you.

Are you ready to start taking the first steps to show yourself self-compassion?

I would love to hear how you feel about this topic and how you are bringing more self-compassion into your life. Please comment and share your experience

Do you feel inspired to start your journey of self-compassion? Please click here for more information about how I can help you with self-compassion. It is one of my favourite things to teach. If you have any questions please feel free to get in touch 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOW TO RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF

HOW TO RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF

by | Nov 2, 2018 | Uncategorized

Developing a sense of connection to ourselves is about having a stronger sense of awareness of who we truly are.  Our unique strengths, gifts, and ideas.  It means going within and not looking outside of ourselves to fill the sense of connection. Often we look to the outer word to fill the void we are feeling within.

We are so busy, distracted, stressed, overwhelmed. We connected to our phones, our email, social media. We are living in a world of information overload. We are looking externally for connection and validation. The external ways of connection are getting stronger and stronger. It can be easy in these times to feel a loss of connection to ourselves.

Take a moment to disconnect from the busy world around you. Stop to ask yourself to do you feel connected to yourself. Do you go within to connect to who you truly are?

If you feel an urge to reconnect with yourself read on! I got five practices for you to get you back on track and feeling more connected to yourself.

Connect with you
A simple practice to use to reconnect with yourself:
Place your hands and your heart and take a few deep breaths.
Close your eyes and go within.
Come back into balance with you. Feel yourself in your body.
Feel the connection with your mind and spirit.

Allow yourself to breathe for a moment.
Reconnect with yourself relax and allow yourself to have this moment of connection to you.

Ask yourself:
What I am feeling at this moment? Just noticing as you become aware of how you feel in the moment.

Asking How does my body feel at this moment? Again, just noticing the body at the moment.
Take some time to breathe and connect with yourself, your soul, and the deep sense of yourself.

Connect with your mind

Becoming aware of your thoughts is a powerful way to reconnect with your mind.
Are you filling your mind with useless thoughts that get you nowhere? Become aware of the thoughts that are going through your head.
Connect and listen to the constant chatter of the mind.

Lately, I have been setting a reminder in my phone to check in with my thoughts 3 times a day. I have become more aware of the useless through that were going through my mind. Once I connected with my mind and become more aware of my thoughts it’s easier to start replacing the thought with more useful ones.

Try it for yourself.
Put a reminder on your phone to connect with your thoughts 3 times a day.
Just listen and be aware of what you are saying to yourself.
Then start replacing the negative thought with a more positive thought.

I love to replace my negative thought with complete opposite positive thoughts.

Connect with your feelings.
It’s easy in our busy lives to push our feelings aside and not be aware of our true feeling. We distract ourselves with the external that often we can forget to check in and feel what is going on inside of us.

To connect with your feeling try this.
Find a quiet place to take some time for yourself.
Become aware of your feelings. Connect with how you truly feel.
Allow yourself to feel and be aware of what you are feeling.
Notice where you feel the feeling in your body. Notice how it feels in your body.
What emotions are you feeling?
Connect with all the aspects of how you feel. Go within and feel what you need to feel.

Now breathe deeply and allow yourself to release and let go.

Allow your body to release the feeling through the breath.
Allow the breath to calm the emotions.
Allow the mind to become clear with the breath.
Just keep breathing deeply until you become aware of the feeling moving through the body and releasing.

Connect with the breath.
Connecting with the breath is a powerful way of reconnecting with yourself, it’s your life force.

Try this simple practice to connect with the breath.

Place your hand on your abdomen.
Start by observing your breath as you feel your belly rise and fall.
Breathe deeply – drawing in energy in through your navel.
Feel your abdomen expand and contract as your breath.
Feel your chest rise and fall.
Continue to breathe slowly and deeply. Paying attention to your breath.
How does the breath feel?
Allow yourself to breathe deeply to connect with the breath- your life force.
Breath and feel the connection.

Write about it.
Journaling is a powerful way to connect with your inner self. Journaling allows you to connect to your inner thoughts and feelings.
Take out your favourite journal, notebook or a blank piece of paper.
Find a quiet place and give yourself some time to go within to connect with yourself.

Ask yourself what I need to know.

Free write
Try not to edit or overthink.
Allow the words to flow out of you and onto the page.
If you can’t find the words, try drawing. You don’t have to be an artist. No judgement!! Just allows what needs to flow on to the paper to come out.

Enjoy this time to connect with your inner being.

A beautiful reminder about connecting to finish with
“Disconnect to reconnect”.
Let’s try to disconnect from the external world occasional so we can reconnect with ourselves.

I hope this served you and helped you bring more harmony into your life.

I have recorded a special gift for you on my resource page.
You can download you’re a free guide to practice that will help you reconnect with yourself. Reconnect with yourself

Lost in the busyness of your life.

Lost in the busyness of your life.

by | Aug 21, 2018 | Mindfulness

I was recently at the checkout at my local supermarket the other day. I noticed the checkout assistant asking each customer how are you. do you have a busy day today? Every person’s response was “yes I’m so busy”. I thought to myself how funny is it that we naturally assume that someone is busy? The checkout assistant had already pre-empted the answer by asking do you have a busy day.   Then I reflected have you noticed when you ask someone “how are you”?  the most common response you get is “I’m busy”. This sparked my curiosity.  How did we get to a point where we are busy all the time? Our schedules are full, our stress leaves are through the roof, and there is no time for relaxation.

Do you feel lost in the busyness of your life?

Always striving to move from one thing to the next. No time to just be, take time out and relax. Do you ever ask yourself how did life get so chaotic?   Stop for a moment and tune into yourself. Notice your mind is racing, constantly thinking. How about your body how does it feel? Is it running on adrenaline all the time because you’re always on the go and no longer know how to relax? In your busyness have you forgotten how to enjoy life truly? Have you forgotten to celebrate the moment because you are so caught up in being busy?

In your busy life, what are you achieving?

Yes, we are busy filling our schedule with lots of stuff and things to do. Is that full schedule bringing you joy or are you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and like there is never enough time in the day? Do you feel like you are the mouse on the wheel going round and round but getting nowhere?  Is this the way you want your life to be? ask yourself if my busy life helping me to achieve the life I want. Can you make room to let go of some of that busyness and enjoy life a little more?

Now comes the interesting part, Are you ready to let go of being so busy all the time!!! Ask yourself “Do I want to let go of my busyness? If the answer is yes, here are a few tips for you. The fun part is it’s going require a different way of thinking. If you’re up for the challenge.

The challenge is you going to have to think about yourself.  Yes, that’s right it’s all about you!!!  I know you’re probably saying oh how selfish that would be of me. Then your mind will probably run of numerous reasons why you can’t put yourself first and all the things you have to do.

And now you’re getting yourself caught up in the busy trap again.  Take a moment and breath. Give yourself permission to let go of busyness.

Let’s get started with these tips:

  1. Set Boundaries.

I know not an easy thing to do, especially if you’re the type of person who does not want to let anyone down.  By trying to please everyone has got you in a state of over-committing to make others happy. It requires strength to set boundaries sometimes.  A lot of our busyness we create ourselves because we are too afraid to say no and set some boundaries. When setting boundaries, it’s important to clarify what you’re willing to give attention and time to. This may mean you disappoint some people. But if you want to let go of that busyness then it going to require that you let some things go from that full schedule. Look at your schedule is a thing on it that you can let go of. Are you overcommitting yourself? Are you saying yes to things just to please others and make them happy? Remember your happiness is just as important and if you commit to something that does not bring you joy then you’re doing yourself a disservice.  Take some time to reflect on your schedule and how you are spending your time. Can you take some of those not-so-important things out of that schedule to create more time for yourself?

  1. Ask for help.

Another challenge for some of us especially those superwomen and men who feel they can do it all. It can be difficult to ask for help and also to accept help. How interesting that we all become busier and we find it hard to accept help from others.  If someone offers you help, see it as a gift and accept it graciously. There is nothing more satisfying than being of service to another human being and helping someone who needs help. Now the challenging part, using your voice to ask for help.  Do you struggle with this? I know I do. My challenge to you is to think about what are some things you could ask for more help with. Can you delegate a task to others in the household to help you out? It’s funny how we humans have this thinking that we have to do it all. We adding to our busyness. So start speaking up and asking for help when you need it.

3..Carve out time to meet your needs.

Remember I said it was about putting yourself first?   Your mind may respond with the excuse “I don’t have time. Give yourself self-permission to stop and ask what you need. Listen for the answer. Once you have the answer create time and a plan to follow through and give yourself what you need.   Creating the space to meet your own needs is an important part of letting go of the business. I bet you are busy meeting everyone else needs that you put yourself last. Well, it is time to put yourself first.  A simple way to start nourishing yourself is to take some time out of a busy life without feeling guilty about it. Start carving out time to do something special for yourself. Give your mind and body time to rest and rejuvenate. You deserve

4. Be in the moment

Stop and enjoy being in the moment. As I mentioned above how often do you move from one this to the next?  Slow down and be in the moment. Look around you and appreciate what you have. Notice your surrounding really stop and take it all in.  Instead of quickly moving on to the next thing, take time to enjoy your achievement. Celebrate how amazing you are. We get limited time to enjoy our life and once you’re caught up in the business it can start to feel like life is speeding by so quickly. Give yourself time to be in joy, let go a little more, stop and enjoy the moment

5. Stop feeling guilty about not being busy

This is the most important tip let go of feeling guilty about not being busy. Ask yourself did you notice as you read through the points above the feeling of guilt slowly creep in. That little voice in your head saying “oh I couldn’t possibly do that for myself”.  “I’m too busy to fit that in”. Your mind will try and create all sorts of reasons why you can’t do this for yourself and all the things you could be doing instead.

Give yourself self-permission to get out of the busyness trap, let go and enjoy life more. Buck the static quote make your own rules and when someone asks you how are you? You can say” I’m fantastic because I’m too busy anymore”.

Leave a comment below and let me know what you have done to let go of busyness in your life. I would love to hear from you.

If you have family members, friends, or colleagues that could use some support with their busy life, please share this post using the link in the sidebar.

I hope this helped to create more  Harmony in your Life!